Its been a while since I have put pen to paper…156 days to be exact…seems I had to take a step back from writing for a while as my inner life went on a journey of its own –Carl Jung once said that “your vision will become clear only when you can look inside your heart. Who looks outside dreams; and who looks inside awakens”
July 11th was my last blog writing….as a woman of many words and ideas— I was the dreamer and have manifested the most amazing things in my life–for once i was not going to try to build an empire or figure out how we all got where we are or the why..why…why….i just wanted ‘to be’ and ‘let my life unfold’ and i knew that only by ‘letting go’ could i really see and begin to trust. I wanted to no longer control or lead the way. I was looking for a place where there was no right or wrong, that good and bad were illusions. I wanted to allow it all to flow…to let the lessons come without taking things personal…to take responsibility for me- while still doing the best i can~ recognizing… realizing….and more than often reeling…reeling …reeling…. and seeing maybe for the first time how magical life really is when you let go……
The path to true freedom is not one of slaying dragons, nor drinking the Kool~Aide, or trolling in the dark in hopes there really is light at the end of the tunnel. This story cannot be told in one blog.. or over one cup of coffee or even in one brief encounter…for me it is a story that has taken my entire life to unfold… and 156 days to come into fruition. I realize now that even though my entire life has ‘felt’ like I had been looking inside and ‘felt’ like i had been being open and honest about who i was and who you are all the while wondering what on earth we were all doing, I still had drawn the line of comfort. A dance at the waters edge or a toe dip to test the water is really just that….we go as deep as we feel comfortable and then we retreat to the dream to create outside of ourselves. It does seem however that all these years have been most helpful in that I have been apparently unconsciously gathering the tools i would need for this journey all along–
My story is one woman’s search for peace, beauty, joy and freedom in a timeless life~the people i met along the way, the wisdom, the magic, the challenges …well ….it was all a mystical,magical evolution.
It began that Monday morning on July 11th as I finished writing my blog which oddly enough turned out to be my last for 156 days and it was entitled “the journey of 1,000 lives..tidbits from the past” it was a blog where I shared bits and pieces of my childhood and growing up- little did i know then that all great transformations (even our last breath) often starts or ends not sure which, with a quick glance down memory lane and as it turned out this would be the catalyst that sent me on this journey.
As i reminisced i remembered that when I was little there was this wee bitty crack in the porch step of my childhood home and i always imagined it was the doorway to a better place-I imagined there was a magical land under the porch and I was always looking for the teacher, the angel of light, the wise man in the red cloak, the chief in the teepee, the one that could give me the answer to why…why…why…. i believed that all the great unanswered questions answers lay deep within that kingdom under the porch.
As i finished the blog and I shut my eyes to rest once again the crack in the porch step appeared but this time there was a door there and it was slightly opened, it was made of very old wood with veins of turquoise stone running through it and pieces of colorful tattered cloth remnants hung over very small oddly shaped windows and I could see a faint light coming through the remnants on some of the windows. Suddenly a ladder tied with a heavy jute began to unroll itself from one of the larger windows. I began to climb the ladder….and as i reached the top and settled myself on the windowsill I began to slowly move the curtain aside…as i sat on the windowsill i was unsure whether i had gotten much smaller or the crack in the step much larger but one thing for sure i could see the light had gotten brighter and it began to dance like raindrops on a lake. As i looked out over this kingdom under the porch it was like dominoes falling or theater backdrops opening one right after the other….as it reveled itself, it was so vast and colorful.. it seemed endless. i could see shadows shape-shifting across the landscape and this blinding light hit the windowsill and there appeared to be what i can only describe as an over exaggerated silver slide from never-ever-land complete with turned up rounded edges covered in the brightest colored green moss. This huge endless slide appeared out of no where and it seemed to go out over this land as far as i could see winding up toward the north and turning sharply and swooping back down toward the south then over and under it went to the west and back to the east and it seemed to be beckoning me. i could feel this fearful curiosity rise up in me only to find myself being uncontrollably risen and suddenly slipping on the slide as water seemed to be permeating through the body of the slide like pores shouting out when fear settles into every bit of our being. As I slipped and fell down…down..down……I could feel all the emotions that life has bestowed upon us from excitement to dread from love to an unimaginable fear….the unknown swallowing me whole and the known helping me to feel comfortable there…….and this was to be the beginning….join me as i once again put pen to paper sharing my memoirs of this amazing 156 days entitled “The day I met Meyoot”